still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
