that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
