I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My feet surprised me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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