it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
