I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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