Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
