Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
