and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize