you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
