Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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