i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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