i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
