I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
