so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
