I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Gay?
German.
Pity.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
