do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
