One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
