I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
