I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
