so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
