She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
