what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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