NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
