i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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