dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
