i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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