I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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