party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
