I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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