like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
