Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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