I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
