So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
