The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
