I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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