I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
