High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
