and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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