I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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