did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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