Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
