I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
