As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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