im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
