kristin has been a bad kristin
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
