remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
