if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
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