Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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