it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
