Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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