Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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