She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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