You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
