I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
