is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
