I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You did what with his pubic hair?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
