I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
