i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
