Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
