And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
