I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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