doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
