I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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