If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
