She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize