Betty ford says i'm here all night
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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