Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
