I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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