almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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