He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
