i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
