I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Four minutes until I can fart!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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