i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize