Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
