the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
