new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
