Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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