Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
