did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my being single is dangerous.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
