Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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