I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
