PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
