I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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