Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
