my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
