Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i now understand why vodka
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
