it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
