She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
