I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize