Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
