So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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