Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
