Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
